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Critique Blog Hop Week 7

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It’s Sunday, and that means another addition to the Critique Blog Hop! You can click that link for more information, or check out this page on my blog for the details.

HUGE thanks to everyone for the positive feedback I got on my rewrite from week 6. I really dropped the ball on critiques last week — but I also dropped the ball on overall blog maintenance altogether last week. What can I say? It was a rough one for me (but spring break is almost here!) I promise to make up for it this week!

Anyway, here are my next 250 words. This is two excerpts from a WIP where I exercised the double viewpoint narration strategy.  In order for it to make a little bit of sense out of context, I took 125 ish words from Character A’s point of view, and the rest from Character B. It’s a new technique for me, and it might be tough to get the gist of what’s really happening in 250 ish word chunks, but I’m going to try anyway! Thanks all!

—-

He was walking to material sciences when he saw her the first time. Dressed in a black skirt, a dress shirt, and heels, she strutted purposefully up the sidewalk toward him. She was carrying a notebook in her arm and a messenger bag over her shoulder. Her cell phone was clenched in her other hand, but she wasn’t looking at it. They were surely going to cross paths, but this time Trevor didn’t have time to think of the right thing to say. She was getting closer.

He opened his mouth and began to raise his hand to wave, but Aerin wasn’t looking at him. Rather, she was looking in his direction, but her mind was clearly elsewhere. Some things never change, he thought. Within seconds, she had click-clacked past him, off to wherever she was headed so quickly.

Trevor couldn’t believe it. Snubbed by a girl he hadn’t spoken to since sophomore year of high school.

She was late. Well, technically she was right on schedule, but in the journalism world, early is on time, on time is late, and late is… well, you might as well just go home if you’re late.

Aerin was en route to the top of campus, forced to walk after missing the bus outside the downtown office of the campus newspaper. And as she was walking up from the office, she failed to notice the boy coming from the opposite direction toward her. She drew in a sharp breath and exhaled quickly, sweat beading on her forehead. Why did this meeting have to be on the complete opposite end of campus? And her heels – they were not working in her favor at this moment.

Her phone buzzed in her hand. You at the meeting yet?… Was all she could read before the screen went blank again.

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Like what you read? Check out these great authors for more 250 word excerpts!

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/



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